Just A (comic book) Reminder…

*Civil War is STILL going on! Yes, the critically acclaimed Civil War crossover event is now 3 months past its original end date and still has a ways to go. Somewhere between ruining Iron Man, cloning Thor, screwing up Spider-Man and giving Daredevil a secret identity out, the series just seems to have lost its appeal to me. All you Civil War fans can bitch about it in the comment box.

*Fifty Two is picking up the pace once again! The last issue concluded with The Question near death and Luthor apparently setting up for a grand finale to ruin Supernova for good. Haven’t picked up Week 34? Better go now…its only going to start getting better and better from here on out!!

Green Welling LLP Wii’s on Nintendo

Looks like the big N has gotten slapped with a class action lawsuit for thsoe defective Wii-motes.  In the recently filed lawsuit, GWLLP claims “Nintendo’s failure to include a remote that is free from defects” is, naturally a “breach of Nintendo’s own product warranty.”

I refer you yet again to the simple knowledge that a) it expressly says to use moderate, subtle movements and b) said people are not following any of the given directions/safety precautions.  Most importantly, the claim implies the wrist strap is breaking while the Wii-mote is still firmly in the player’s hand.

What the fuck?!?!  You mean I can swing my wrist with the force to snap a wrist strap? While we’re sueing people for defective equipment, what about all those X-Box 360’s that broke down and died anywhere from after purchase to 6 months later? Not only was that a (theoretically) similar situation, but Nintendo has been a lot quicker to try and fix the problem.

This whole thing is fucking ridiculous.  The morons who have managed to get their hands on their Wii have videotaped themselves wildly swinging the damn thing about, striking objects and people.  Nintendo, who have tried to do something new, innovative, and unique, are getting fucked while Sony and Microsoft churn out the same old shit for 2-3 times the price.  And the entire time, its gamers like you and I who are footing the bill for this insanity.

I’ll buy a Wii when I can afford it.  But as for the other swill, fuck you.  My PS2 and X-Box 1 have more than enough of the same godawful crap you’re pushing year in and year out to keep me occupied until your current consoles come up with something to entertain me, and fuck everyone of you who are siding against Nintendo.  This is what’s going to kill the gaming industry.

Is Ralph Dibny Going All Sixth Sense on Us? (52 Spoilers…)

Thanks to the new Newsarama post and fanboy speculation, the new 52 theory of the day is that Ralph Dibney did kill himself in Fifty Two Week One (when Ralph was seen with a gun in his mouth).

For those who have missed the past year of DCU continuity, you’re a fucking idiot who needs to go play catch-up. Also, Ralph’s beloved wife Sue Dibny was found dead and burned nearly beyond recognition in the first chapter of the simply incredible “Identity Crisis”.

Over the course of Fifty Two, Ralph has seemingly lost his mind and is now on a quest to resurrect and reunite with his dear wife, which has led him all the way to Nanda Parbat in this issue.

So, is Ralph really dead all along? Unlikely, methinks.

If Ralph is dead, yes, it would explain why only he could hear the Helmet of Fate talking to him. But it doesn’t explain how he can be seen, talked to, and generally interacted with by Wonder Girl, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Zauriel, Metamorpho, the entire “Cult of Connor”, Supernova, Booster Gold, Skeets, 90% of downtown Metropolis, the owner of his storage shed (who called Ralph, not a next of kin for a deceased Ralph), the police officers who found Sue’s tombstone defaced, and the young man in the cemetary who recounted seeing Ralph before when he was Elongated Man.

Just saying, DC, lots of gaps…

Perez Hilton is an idiot.

Looks liike Perez Hilton (author of PerezHilton.com and no, that’s not his real name.) is getting sued by X17, who own the copyrights of several celebrity photographs which he posted without permission.

Whoops!

Now you see why I’ll never do a bitchy celebrity blog. Yes, I love reading Hollywood Tuna and Popoholic, but a) the celebrity infatuation is bound to die very, very soon and b) shit like that always happens. That’s why Spoilery Bits remains your source for scathing, ranty articles on video games, comics and more.

Steven Seagal Energy Drinks: Eat Thunder and Crap Your Soul!

Whilst wandering Wal-Mart today as I often do when I’m bored (shut up, its a small town!), I happened upon what I thought to be part joke from God, part sign of the Apocolypse.

Yes, its Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, available in two delicious sounding yet ultimatly vague flavors: “Cherry Charge” and “Asian Experience”.

Ok, first sign this was a bad purchase: They’re $1 a pop. Second sign? Exactly what the hell kind of flavor is “Asian Experience”?

Well, I picked up one of each, and let me tell you, I believe this was made by brewing Steven’s own sweat. It tastes like a hippie ate an entire herb shop and shat out the resulting mess into a pot. Don’t pick this up expecting the tasty zing of Red Bull or the sweet kick of AMP; this was reminescent of a bottle of expired V8. No, really. Its that fucking bad.

As far as what kind of flavor Asian Experience is, I still have no damn idea. The cans themselves feature only a beautifully rendered picture of Steven, apparently trying to take a shit (or who knows what, he always looks that way), with a list of the ingredients around the rim of the can. Aside from the name of the flavor, I could find no indication as to what exactly they were. But considering its the same ingredients in just about every energy drink made, I can imagine what it was supposed to be.

Maybe its your thing. I dunno, it could have been just me. Just me and the other two people I had try this shit, granted, but stranger things have happened. As for me, I’m only going to be buying two more cans Steven, and that’s to pull out at get-togethers for a good laugh, until about 2025, when I can hock them on eBay for about $2500. The winning bidder? Probably you, Steven Segal, trying to remember a time when people were crazy enough to let a mediocre actor/action star be featured on an energy drink.

Me? I’ll be back at Wal-Mart. If this is any indication, it won’t be much longer until we get Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse Kick Power Bars.

Big N Recalls Wii’s

Source: Yahoo! News

Looks like Nintendo is having to recall a bunch of Wii-mote’s after the wrist straps designed to keep the controller attached to your person started snapping.

The beauty of the “flying wii-mote”, said to injure persons, tvs, and fragile glass objects?  Its done by people who are doing the exact opposite of what the Wii-manual (see how I Wii’d on everything?) by flailing their arms around like a madman, and doing so in close vicinity of other objects and/or people.

For fuck’s sake, there is a big damn diagram with giant red arrows depicting a person standing in the open, saying in big letters to make sure no one or nothing is around you while you play.  It also says (and I’ve played these things, I know this is true) that you don’t need to flail; the system will detect the smallest of movements.  Hell, even the sarcastic folks over at Penny Arcade were saying that one when the system came out.

So, in a time when the console war rages on and there are nothing but shortages, in a time when Christmas is fast approaching and people are still (lets face it, foolishly) trying to find a Nintendo Wii, the big N is forced to recall the system because people are idiots?  Any chance we can recall the people who bought the system?

If you own a Wii, please be careful.  And Nintendo, maybe this should be a sign?  The Wizard just came out on DVD, maybe this is the perfect time to bring back that cherished 8-bit nostalgia, the Power Glove?  It would certainly solve the flying Wii-mote problems.  Until, of course, some gang member decided to wear said Power Glove on a series of thefts. 

But that’s a story for next-next gen.

Spoilery Bits To GamePro: Please Stop Sucking Sony’s…

Back in the mid-to-late 90s, I was a huge fan of the videogame publication GamePro, and to be honest, some of my fondest memories of the magazine back when folks like Scary Larry still wrote for it. However, when I got the newest issue in the mail recently, I have to say, I’m quite concerned that GamePro is officially taking the love of the Sony cock too far.

Not exactly sure why they want to invest so much love in the $600 PS3 anyways, since Sony plans to release a PlayStation 4 in 2010.

The new GamePro lists “14 Things You Need To Know” about the Sony Playstation three. Hit the MORE link and I’m gonna throw in my $0.02 on a few of said things…

Welcome To Spoilery Bits 2.0!

Welcome to the brand new Spoilery Bits!

This post is just to test the layouts and such, more information as its prepared.